Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Assignment 53: Give advice to yourself.

Advice to my 17 year old self.

B - the guy you're dating is a total asshole. But you know that. What you don't know is how he is going to ruin your art for you. Sure you'll get into the colleges you apply to, save one - and get put on a waiting list, sheesh. The important thing is its going to be hard to become that artist you were before you dated that fat lazy pig. You won't draw anymore, for a while I mean. You won't work on your poetry or film scripts. No, you'll just sit around with him playing games you don't even like (thats a few types too) and doing whatever debasing thing he asks for. Because you have no respect for yourself and even though you despise him, you want to sleep with him because you think you aren't worth real love with someone who is wonderful. You won't though, thank God. 
I'm looking at photos of you right now. Now I know what put me off about these photos. When you're with him you look happy, perhaps its because you're off some buzz about dancing with him during Winter Ball or you just made out with him (which trust me, its the only thing he can do right). But you aren't happy. The detail of your sweaty armpits in that pretty dress. You aren't looking at him. You smile, awkwardly showing your braces. And when you smile again the sides are turned down just a bit. You're upset in these photos - but I don't remember why. Was it when he got his pants dirty during the dance - lets not go into details huh? Was it because he kept urging to get a hotel room with you? The food was bad? Your friends weren't rescuing you? I probably won't remember until a time I don't need to.
Start trying to figure out what you want to do. You'll think you have it figured out but it won't be right. Hell, it never is the first time around. Truth is, you're going to start doing what you dreamed of just before you reached middle school. That will make all the difference. 
And please! Please try to love yourself. If you love yourself, you can love your art and your art will be much richer. You are talented and very special. Someday you'll have the life you've always wanted - it'll just be a little different.

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